bell hooks argued love isn't a feeling that happens to you — it's a choice you keep making

In All About Love, bell hooks rejects the idea that love is simply an emotion you fall into or out of. She defines it instead as an act of will: a deliberate combination of care, commitment, knowledge and respect that you choose to practice, day after day, whether or not the feeling is there. Framing love as action rather than sentiment, she argued, makes people accountable for how they actually treat each other, instead of excusing bad behaviour as something love simply couldn't help.

— bell hooks, All About Love: New Visions — 1999
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